Where have all my brain cells gone?!

2012 has been quite the year for me!  I have a lot to be thankful for, but I do have a few goals I'd like to achieve in 2013.

1) Find a healthy balance between being a mom, a wife, and a business owner.
2) Exercising at least 4 times/week and cutting out the minimal crap (ie: bagels, my weakness) from my diet.
3) Making better use of the brain cells I still have left.

All of these goals are important to me for different reasons. Juggling three different roles has its challenges and I'd like to know that I'm doing everything possible to be the best mom, wife, and chiropractor I can be. A healthy lifestyle will promote better health and allow me to enjoy those three important roles to the fullest. A properly functioning brain is important... because it would be nice to remember things such as the last time I shaved my legs, where I put the dog leash, how long the leftovers have been sitting in the fridge, etc.

But let's focus on goal # 3. I find that many of the recurring "issues" in my life arise from my poor memory. It seems simple... write everything down so you don't forget! Right?! Well... I put reminders in my cell phone to sound an alarm when I need reminding. I have a notepad and a personal planner that I bring with me that I REALLY try to write important thoughts down on. I have Google docs devoted to the lists of things I need to get done. I have a dry erase board calendar hanging up just outside our kitchen so my hubby and I can see everything happening in the current month. I feel like I cover all my bases and yet I still seem to forget to do things that are insignificant (folding the laundry before it gets too wrinkly) as well as things that matter (paying bills, following up on important leads, etc.).

I am not trying to make excuses (although I'm really good at it, ask my hubby and watch him roll his eyes!). I think part of the problem is trying to do a million things in a 24 hour period... there just never seems to be enough time. I can now proclaim that moms are the best multitaskers in the world. Period, the end.
Also, I cannot ignore the chronic sleep deprivation I've acquired over the last 8.5 months. I made the decision to nurse my son whenever I'm with him (pump and bottle feed when he's with his dad or grandparents, and he recently started eating purees and finger foods, too). We've (I've?!) created our own version of co-sleeping that's become a routine in our household. My son starts off the night in his crib between 7:30-8:30pm and anywhere from 4-7 hours later, he's up and ready for mommy to sleepily walk into his room, pick him up, and bring him back to bed. I don't have the energy to try to rock him back to sleep and put him down for fear I myself may fall asleep sitting up with a baby on my lap. Safety first, my friends. My sweet little boy uses mommy as a pacifier to soothe himself to sleep... and I let him. Sigh.

At this point I'm sure some of you may be saying "I told you not to co-sleep!" Maybe you are judging me for not being strict and getting him into his crib earlier, or wondering why I'm still nursing my almost 9 month old. Maybe you can relate because you've been there (or ARE there), too. Maybe your little angel baby started sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old (please stop running around town telling people that because the Tired Moms of America are over the boasting. We get it. You sleep well. Congratufreakinglations.)

There's plenty of opinions and advice being thrown around to expectant moms and new moms... and while I appreciate people who think they are helping, (and sometimes they are...) each woman and family has to take this journey and learn on their own. And boy, there's a lot to learn! I truly enjoy having my son close and knowing that I can make him feel safe, secure, and help him comfortably fall asleep. Unfortunately for me, now that he's older and much bigger and stronger, he rolls around in our bed for half of the night, waking me, the lightest sleeper ever, up every few hours with a jab in the ribs or slap in the face. I'd like to think he is  having a kick ass dream about something really fun...  I have bruises all over my body of which I do not know their origin (well, I guess it comes from my Kung-Fu dreamer). Or maybe it's because I'm super clumsy and walk into bed posts and walls on a regular basis. Did I just admit that? Oh well.

I don't remember what a full night's sleep feels like. I wish I did. I yearn for it. I dream of it. My other mommy friends who are in the Dark Circles Under Your Eyes Club can empathize with me. (I'd like to thank Estee Lauder for making a fabulous under-eye concealer.) I have short moments of frustration and resentment, wondering if I made the best decisions for our family (for our sanity?!), but then I remember that I have one of the most amazing, happy, loving, friendly, chatty, confident little boys I've ever met. I am beyond grateful for this gift we've been given, and am constantly bursting with love for this little chunky monkey. He gets everything he needs, and then some. I hope my hubby's patience will continue to stay strong for this sleep-deprived mama.  I'll never stop trying to do better for my son, for my hub, and for myself.  Maybe I should start playing memory games to keep my mind sharp. Anyone up for a game of Guess Who? (Does that make me sound young or old?)

All I know is when I finally do get that full night of sleep, you'll hear me singing from the rooftops. Until then, I am accepting donations of Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts gift cards. And Ginko Biloba. Hey, we all have our vices... it could be a hell of a lot worse than coffee! I love caffeine. And sleep. But I love having a happy, healthy son even more... so for now, farewell brain cells. It was nice knowing you.