The mommy diaries... take one.

*Disclaimer*
This blog is real, uncensored, probably inappropriate and definitely shares TMI. If you don't like it, if you're a man or not a mom yet and you can't appreciate it... why are you reading it?!

I'm exhausted, engorged, and emotional... oh my!

Ryder is 6 weeks old!  Currently, he is wrapped nice and warmly on me in his moby (and by warmly I mean he's a furnace and this is South Florida and it's not even summer time yet but still boiling hot outside... WTF). I call him my angel baby when his little head rests on my chest in the moby and he sleeps (see picture below!). He looks so peaceful and I wonder if he dreams of breast milk or a nice big poop? Probably both, because they pretty much consume our lives! I'm catching quick glances at him every few minutes while I cautiously type this blog, making sure not to wake him and carefully sipping some new iced coffee beverage I bought at the store. Last night I prepared, cooked, and ate an entire meal while wearing my son in his moby. I am the ultimate multitasker... or superwoman, either will suffice.

New discovery #1-- Your brain becomes mush after you have a baby. I ramble, I lose my train of thought, I make stupid mistakes that I can only laugh at because otherwise I'd cry. For someone with a post graduate education, I sure feel like an idiot sometimes. Example: I bought my girlfriend's son some clothes/shoes for his birthday... 2T size... and made the card out to him, wishing him a happy 2nd birthday. He turned one this year. I knew this. Oops.

New discovery #2-- I have a new understanding of exhaustion. When you breast feed, the baby (my baby at least) eats on demand. Nursing could be every 2-3 hours on the dot... 24/7. At night I am lucky and he goes a little longer... maybe 3-4 hours. Last night Danny fed the baby a late night feeding and I got to sleep from midnight until 5:45am. Those late night daddy shifts are essential every once in a while! The only downside... when you breastfeed and you don't feed your child for one shift... engorgement (New discovery #3). I imagine engorgement sort of feels like what having new fake breasts may feel like? Nothing can quite prepare you for that uncomfortable feeling... and you better have some nursing pads on! Oh boy.

Thankfully daddy just came downstairs at just the right time so I could unwrap baby, pass him to daddy, recover from my hot flash, and hook up to the pump. It's only 9:30am and I feel like I've been awake since... forever.

New discovery #4-- No one really prepared me for the emotional roller coaster. My hormones have been wacky since I got pregnant, and they have been relentless ever since. I've only had maybe 2 emotional breakdowns in 6 weeks... that's not too bad in my opinion. The first was the worst... a couple days after my best friend flew back to Spain. I didn't know a body could produce so many tears. But I got through it with the company of my dad and some texts and phone calls to some fellow mommy friends. I thank my lucky stars for them all! I don't know how long this up and down thing will last, or the break outs...!  All I can do is keep busy (HA! Not too difficult these days) and visit with friends and family, who keep me relatively sane.

I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining? I'm not trying to. It's more of a self-discovery... a vent... to openly share a few of the things I wasn't really prepared for. But with the not so nice craziness that is a post partum mommy comes the pure bliss of waking up every day looking at your amazingly wonderful child. He is a perfect combination of my hubby and me. He is tracking objects and lights. He is starting to coo the most delicious noises, and I swear he will smile on purpose any day now. I've seen many sleep smiles and a few half smiles yesterday. Heaven! The love he brings out of me is hard to explain. It grows every day, which is awesome. The love he brings out of my husband, parents, in-laws, uncles, and his great grandma is pretty amazing too. He brings joy to our entire family and it's a very special time we are all just eating up!

Daddy just took Ryder out for a few hours... their first "boys day out." I don't know what I'll do with myself. Go to the pool? Maybe. Sleep? Hell yes. Shower? A long one! Miss them? Of course :)