A call to ALL parents...

For those of you who know me, I'm a glass half-full, happy-go-lucky type of gal. I don't typically let many things get me down and I try to stay positive and optimistic as much as possible. For this reason, I've slowly but surely stopped reading about and watching the news as frequently as I used to. I know that may make me sound a number of different descriptive adjectives (uneducated, naive, ignorant, whatever...) but I just can't stand turning on the evening news to hear about another murder, rape, robbery, or man being swallowed by a giant sinkhole while he sleeps! Now that I'm a mom, these stories get under my skin and terrify the shit out of me. How completely devastated the mothers and fathers of the vicitms must feel... and how awful the mothers and fathers of the criminals must feel, too. Right??

But this morning, I happened to have a free few minutes to myself and caught the latest episode of 20/20, which covered the Steubenville rape case. I mean, there are so many things that happened in this case that disgust me, I don't even know where to begin. Aside from the obvious horrid criminal act that occurred to an innocent girl who unfortunately drank too much and blacked out, negating any "consent" she may or may not have given, the level of disconcern, disrespect, and terrible behavior the boys and other "friends" involved displayed was absolutely disgusting.

For those of you who missed the details of this case, I'll sum it up for you. A 10th grade girl from West Virginia invites herself to a high school party over the bridge in Ohio, where many of the students and football players from a small town Ohio high school are in attendance. Girl proceeds, with her friends, to drink in excess, like many teenagers at parties do, and makes a bold decision to leave the friends she arrived with and head out to another party with some of the football players. She arrives at the next party and throws up all over herself, while sitting on a curb in front of the house. No one helps her, instead, people watch, make fun, offer $ for someone to urinate on her, and take pictures of her on their cell phones. After a quick visit at party #2, they leave, and while heading to party #3, she is sexually assaulted in the back seat of the car (a felony in the state of Ohio). At party #3, she throws up some more, and still, no one offers to help her find her friends, call her parents, or take her home. She is assaulted again and left naked, to sleep it off on a couch at the house. She wakes up not remembering anything and unsure of where she is. It isn't until she goes online that she realizes everything that happened the night before. Many of the people at the 3 parties took pictures, posted derogatory messages, and even took video of the evening's events. The two main boys involved claimed she consented to the sexual acts (not intercourse) that occurred, while the girl has no recollection. Both boys were charged with felonies, will have to declare they are sex offenders for the rest of their lives, and will both serve short sentences in prison. Their lives, and the lives of their families will never be the same because of the decisions they made that night.

There's a lot that comes to mind when I think of this story. Obviously what happened to this girl is extremely sad, scary, and unfortunate. When you learn about who these boys are, where they came from, and hear interviews from their families, it is almost unimaginable that this crime ever happened in the first place, but it did. Where were the parents at the three different parties? Who provided all of the alcohol? Why did the town try to hide what happened and protect the students involved? With a little alcohol, peer pressure, and social media, this case gained national attention because it's happenening everywhere and parents need to know how to prevent their children from participating AND becoming victims.

The scariest thing to me is that just 15 years ago, I was in high school too. I was going to and throwing parties, with and without parental supervision. There were drinks involved, there was music, dancing, "hooking up"... I am not naive to the fact that this has and continues to happen everywhere around our country. In "our day," there were no abundance of cell phones and there was NO social media. We couldn't post our thoughts and actions with the click of an iPhone keypad. I think many children and teenagers these days are not understanding the enormity of their actions, as well as the long term consequences for their actions. Teenage girls are taking their clothes off and sending pictures to their boyfriends, and vice versa. When you make a decision like this, in the heat of "teenage love," why would you think of the reprecussions? Why would you consider that your young love will ever sour, that the person you "love" would ever turn their back on you and share these sacred images with other friends, or even the entire world through social media?

Watching this stuff unfold in our society really scares me for my son's generation. We, as parents, have to do everything we can to keep the lines of communication OPEN between us and our children. We have to make sure they are educated about all the dangers that await them as they become young adults. We have to arm them with knowledge and confidence to make better choices, to protect themselves, and most of all protect others who are in harms way. They have to feel safe enough to know they can call us at any hour for help, and that we will not be mad at them but be there to support them no matter what.

I feel like I want to keep my baby even closer to me than ever before, but I realize, he isn't even a baby anymore! His first year flew by in the blink of an eye, and before I know it, he'll be starting kindergarten, where he will become his own little person, make new friends, and develop his sense of self. He will learn valuable lessons, some will be easy and some wont be. Soon, he'll be in middle school where hormones begin raging and fitting in will seem more important than kissing me good bye as he jumps onto the bus for school. Then high school... where your image, whether jock, nerd, thesbian, debater, etc. can define you. I only hope that my husband and I can instill in my son the confidence to be proud of who he is, be kind to his friends and even those who aren't his friends, have good judgement to know the difference between right and wrong, and stand up for himself and for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

I pray that the girl who was assaulted will be stronger since this happened, make better decisions in the future, and live a healthy, vibrant life. I pray that the families of the boys who did this will think hard about the impact their values have made on their sons. I am certain that the town has learned a painful, but valuable lesson from it all. I pray that I never have to go through something as terrible as this, and will strive to teach my son and future children the values that will make them wonderful human beings.